A very wise young woman gave me the title of this post while I was listening to the post-screening panel discussion of The Black Girl Project. She declared, “love is not an emotion, it’s a discipline.”

While the young woman was referring to romantic love, I’d like to remix the sentiment of the quote, so that it applies to my writing. I eat, breath, and sleep by the pen. It is the only activity that tugs on my heart and truly the only thing that I can see myself doing at 95 years old. Massaging words will never get old and constructing thought-provoking sentences remains my livelihood.

I’m not sure how I got to this place of writing particularly about gender & sexuality. I guess that I would blame it on going to the queerest university in the United States lol. While it did not teach me how to write, New York University made me the social thinker that I am.

That being said, this week’s hiatus of content on my blog is due to just that…thinking. After penning my second article for Clutch, its popularity must have gotten wind with one of the editors over at Carnal Nation. Not only did they ask to repost my piece on Female Masculinity, but they invited me to pen some original content for the site. As Carnal Nation pieces typically are longer than the standard 500-750 word blog post, it took tremendous time and effort for me to think through my intellectual argument and make it digestible. I finished my first piece tonight and I am excited to share it with you all to see your thoughts. Just to give a teaser, I titled the article Hip “Pop” is Drag: Butches, Femmes, & Homothugs (this title may be changed by the editors though, so don’t hold your breath lol). I essentially discussed popular stereotypes of homosexuality in hip “pop” (my name for this contemporary popular music that is so different from original hip hop). It was a tough intersectional argument, but I pray that I nailed it. I like to come out the womb kicking anytime I start writing for a new site.

I’ll be sure to post the article on my blog once it’s up. I suspect that it will be published sometime next week.

As I profess my love for writing, I need to do a better job at discplining myself to keep y’all updated through posting on my blog. I sometimes feel like there’s no point in writing unless I have something “deep” to say, but not everything has to be deep. Sometimes simple thoughts are enough

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support through the writing process. It has truly been a crazy two days.

xoxoxo

Arielle Loren

]]> http://arielleloren.com/2010/09/love-is-not-an-emotion-its-a-discipline.html/feed 4 http://arielleloren.com/2010/08/on-female-masculinity.html http://arielleloren.com/2010/08/on-female-masculinity.html#comments Sat, 28 Aug 2010 23:29:30 +0000 Arielle Loren http://arielleloren.com/?p=1188

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing these last few weeks on my usual topics. I guess it makes a difference when you know you’re writing for an audience versus simply for yourself. I’ve been privileged to have my piece on Female Masculinity published by two major online platforms, Clutch Magazine and Carnal Nation. Both very different in audience, yet appreciative of my provocative style of thinking and rants on gender. If you haven’t read my piece yet, give it some love and drop some comments on both sites. Thanks for being dedicated thinkers and readers!

On female masculinity…

When I declare, “I am a beautiful woman,” what image comes to mind? Am I smoothly brown-skinned with a figure 8 frame? Am I thin with a flat stomach? Am I stunning with some extra curves?

What about if I have arms of Kobe Bryant? Or the legs of Usain Bolt? Can I have the jaw line of Barack Obama?

Would I be “woman” enough for you? Perhaps, you wouldn’t call me a woman at all. You’re not alone and I’m not pointing the finger. Womanhood and femininity remain inextricably intertwined causing female masculinity to be outside the norm. Thus, your visual discomfort is expected.

The truth is that I don’t have the characteristics of Bryant, Bolt, or Obama. I probably look like your stereotypical image of a “beautiful” Black woman (with a crazy afro); however, I know women who look the opposite. The need to redefine beauty standards and womanhood goes beyond “liberal” ideology and discussion. It’s about women’s empowerment, self-confidence, and inclusion. It’s about recognizing that not all women, even if solely a minority, have to look like each other. It’s bigger than the discourse of body image and weight in popular culture. This is the need to confront the taboo of female masculinity and pay homage to all the women who have lived outside the standard of beauty for too long. In fact, we should chuck the standard all together.

Read the rest on Carnal Nation and Clutch Magazine

Stories of love and rejection, triumphs and failures, and key moments on the path to self-acceptance. With the media’s relentless focus on what’s wrong with the modern black woman, readers will share key moments when they realized, as Zora Neale Hurston put it: “I have the nerve to walk my own way, however hard, in my search for reality, rather than climb upon the rattling wagon of wishful illusions.”

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I guess I’m some sort of anomaly. Yes, I’m a heterosexual woman and I care DEEPLY about LGBT issues. I’m not an armchair activist. I’m a vocal one and I’m willing to debate with anyone (who can be constructive) about the importance of recognizing and combatting heteronormativity.

Awhile back, I took on a writer on Clutch Magazine that wrote an ignorant article on women practicing homosexuality on the down low. First of all, if you’re familiar with any of my work, you know that I absolutely CANNOT STAND down low discourse. It has yet to produce a productive conversation surrounding sexuality and if anything serves as another indicator of people’s true fears surrounding homosexuality.

Tipping my hat to Clutch, they are one of the top online magazines for young black women on the web. Thus, I found it unacceptable that they would publish such a low standard of intellect and decided to take a risk (of potentially being black listed from ever writing for them lol) and wrote a critique on the writer and the responsibility that Clutch owes to its readers to publish substantive articles. Immediately, the Editor in Chief responded with a polite thank you for my public response. I still wasn’t sure how she felt about it though. It was clear that her readers were very upset about the “Down Low Sista” article and I’m sure she was simply trying to (wo)man the damage.

Approximately, a week or two later, I received a message from her thanking me more extensively for my critique, citing the publication of the article as a gross oversight, and inviting me to pen some stronger sexuality pieces for Clutch. I was flattered by her humility and invitation. We all need to do a better job of recognizing prejudice and creating discourse that combats it instead of reinforcing stereotypes.

I just had my first article published on Clutch entitled, “The Evolution of Homophobia: It’s Not About Hating Gay People.” I always love when commenters leave their constructive opinions, especially when they disagree. I encourage everyone to give the article a read and join the conversation. I’m impressed with the feedback thus far and look forward to Clutch continuing this discussion through more articles that pull on the importance of tolerance and sexuality.

Here is a teaser of the article below:

“Silence itself—the things one declines to say, or is forbidden to name, the discretion that is required between speakers is…an element that functions alongside the things said…There is no binary division to be made between what one says and what one does not say; we must try to determine the different ways of not saying such things.”Michel Foucault, History of Sexuality Vol. 1

Considering the height of contemporary social activism, the threat of a “post-racial” declaration before actual attainment, and the ongoing struggle with homosexuality in the United States, now is the perfect time to start discussing the “silences” of prejudice.  Clearly, we have seen manifestations of racism in the last few months that go beyond atrocious acts of racially derogatory name-calling and physical harm.  It is the ingrained social politics of discrimination that continue to prevent this country from sprinting toward a progressive nationhood and, eventually, social equality.

Professor Melissa Harris-Lacewell made a comment on MSNBC that caused me to truly reflect on the definition of racism, sexism, and homophobia.  She stated that we, as minorities, as women, as LGBT supporters, have not done a good enough job at explaining the evolution of these terms for our fellow Americans.  The majority of the country still is operating under old definitions, e.g., racism as spewing the n-word, sexism as being intentionally unfair to women, and homophobia as hating “gay” people.  As society progresses, the forms of prejudice will continue to change and evolve.  Unfortunately, the discriminatory ideologies surrounding these social issues are deeply embedded in our psyches, often causing us not to realize our individual participation in their perpetuation.

Over the last few months I’ve written, filmed, and read commentary, about controversial LGBT topics. I’ve encountered and combated a lot of anti-LGBT discourse that likely was not intended to be anti-LGBT.  A profound example of a popular anti-LGBT topic that I believe was not intended to be anti-LGBT, is the salacious “down low” phenomenon.  Time and time again I hear the same response from the authors and similarly minded commentators on these articles:

“I’m not homophobic.”

“I don’t hate gay people.”

“I love gay people.”

Really?  Are you sure about that?  I’d have to disagree—and I’d encourage you to hear me out.

It’s not about “hating gay people.”  That is a simple manifestation of homophobia.  I’m interested in what’s under the cornbread.  Let’s talk about the things that people don’t want to say, especially within the Black community, and the silences surrounding the discomfort of homosexuality.  Let’s talk about Black women in heterosexual relationships who freak when their male partners convey homosexual desires (it’s happened to me and, yes, I reacted the same way).  Let’s talk about the disgust and contorted faces that occur when we see a gay couple kissing.  Let’s simply admit that the majority of the Black community believes that heterosexuality is the norm, and that it is superior to any form of homosexual relations.

Read the rest here

I first discovered Dan Buettner’s Blue Zones through my mother. Attempting to change her diet and live a healthier life, she sought the book out as a blueprint to a possible lifestyle change. I browsed through it, did some internet research, and found the subject matter quite fascinating: there were pocketed communities all around the world that had an unusual amount of centenarians. These 100 year plus individuals were not simply rocking in old wooden chairs everyday either. They were active, still participating in physical labor, and perhaps in better shape than people a quarter of their age.

Hard to believe?

Buettner gave a fascinating TED Talk on his Blue Zone project, sharing several different stories of centenarians across various cultures and the common denominators between all of them. Interestingly enough, each community lived by a predominantly plant-based diet and ate in smaller portions. It’s not to say that they did not eat meat, but they ate far less of it than most Americans consume in their daily diets. As a nation that continues to have an increasing overweight population and related health issues, it’s scary to believe that a change in diet could literally increase the longevity of American life. For the two Blue Zones that Buettner did find in the United States (one community in Hawaii and one community in California), both went against the “American meat-eating norm” by consuming far more green vegetables and beans than meat while also incorporating natural exercises into their daily activities i.e. sitting on the floor, climbing stairs, building fences, etcetera.

I’d encourage you to check out Buettner’s TED Talk below, it’ll definitely make you question whether America is on the right eating path and what you can do to live a longer life.

Will Smith is one of the most inspirational men on this earth. This video is one of the few that I can re-watch over and over again and still take away something new. Everytime I hear him talk about success, work ethic, and making a CHOICE on how your destiny is going to roll out, I am re-inspired to stick to my vision of how I want my life to be.

I don’t believe in Plan B. This is it. I am my success. I make the choice to be successful and every obstacle that comes in the way is merely a hurdle.  Never stopping, always sprinting. Work ethic is what separates the mediocrity from greatness. For those who need a lift in their race, this video is for you.

Keep running my friends. Enjoy the video!

Outside this sacred sexuality realm, the stereotypes of sexually active women with multiple partners still exist. What is a ho’? The definition should be simple, but with the evolution of women embracing their sexuality and shamelessly expressing it, the word has become quite complex.

Recently, the good folks over at Merriam Webster added the word ho’ to the dictionary. It’s claimed to be a synonym to the word “whore,” which gives the following definition.

1 : a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman
2 : a male who engages in sexual acts for money
3 : a venal or unscrupulous person

Interesting…

Read my conclusion on Zora&Alice

I once heard that love is simple. You care for someone, you’re willing to sacrifice life for them, and if they love you in return you’ll never have to. I am learning to love myself and in the process I am going insane.

They don’t teach you to love yourself when you’re young. Everything else comes first: family, school, society, honor, etc. All of these things are important, but if you don’t have a solid foundation in “you” then havoc will wreak later.

It didn’t hit me until my late teenage years that I had been playing Jinga on a weak foundation my entire life. Someone else had to tell me to search. I didn’t know myself, my voice, my desires, or truly my strength. From the moment I met myself, I’ve walked alone; it’s been necessary to hear myself think. Outside energy can be a cloud around your inner thoughts. When you walk alone, you hear yourself on high volume speakers.

I am a loner but simultaneously, there are rare moment of bliss when certain individuals join me on my journey. Many can only bare to stick around for short periods of time since it is difficult to walk blindfolded. I don’t know where my road is taking me therefore I can’t tell you. Either you trust the path or you don’t. Most don’t. They turn around in the face of uncertainty and try a new path that seems more lit. I am walking on a road that’s mostly pitch black with few lights on the side. The darkness doesn’t matter to me though, so long as I can hear my voice. I have questions that need to be answered and can’t risk my core going mute. The entire experience of loving yourself is a process.

Who am I? What do I want to accomplish? How do I want to live? What means the most to me? What is essential? What can I purge or throw away?

There is no deadline to the answers. They come when they’re supposed to and can change in a moment’s instant. The key is living in the moment; there is no need to see the entire path when you have an internal guide. I live on my own voice and its rather nice I might add.

Am I sounding crazy yet? Yes? Good.

While we’re on that question, I’ve been thinking about insanity. I’m reading Paulo Coelho’s novel, Veronika Decides to Die. The story is layered with several life lessons, but the main crux lays in the definition of “insanity.” The novel takes place in a mental hospital after the protagonist attempts to kill herself unsuccessfully in her home. Sounds depressing, but really it’s not. Through the plot, Coelho asks who is “insane?” When is it acceptable to act out of the ordinary? Why is it okay to live a routine life without breaking any ritual? Who sets these definitions for what is normal behavior? Why are the insane the only ones who break the rules? If the mental hospital is the only space where one can do or say whatever without being judged, imagine the type of creativity and self-exploration that breeds there.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Paulo Coelho, his parent’s locked him up in a mental asylum for wanting to be a writer. Can you blame them? I mean who signs up to take the risk of being poor the rest of their lives in exchange for penning beautiful words? People who believe writing is essential to their being gladly take the risk. I am insane, I gladly accept it. Writing remains a first priority in my life because it is essential to loving me. There is no “sensible” reason why and I don’t feel the need to create one. It simply is what it is. The more that I accept it, the closer I am to liberation.

Self-love is essential. My voice is essential. Doing “good” is essential. For that, my brain is unlike the majority. I am indeed insane and hope to continue living this way for many, many years.

My legacy is self-love. Kiss your reflection the next time you look in the mirror. It may remind you why you’re on this earth in the first place.

“We Who Believe in Freedom Cannot Rest”

Photo Credit: here

Genius Child by Langston Hughes

This is a song for the genius child.
Sing it softly, for the song is wild.
Sing it softly as ever you can
Lest the song get out of hand

Nobody loves a genius child.

Can you love an eagle,
Tame or WILD?
Can you love an eagle,
Wild or TAME?
Can you love a monster
Of frightening name?

Nobody loves a genius child.

Kill him- and let his soul run wild.

Loving this documentary on Basquiat. Check it out here.